hey everyone, been a little quiet lately. rosa’s 10 months now and things are… mostly good? but i keep catching myself feeling really off.
like the other day, i was trying to find something to wear for an online vet tech conference thing and just staring at my closet. nothing felt like me anymore. not just the clothes, but the whole vibe. i used to just throw something on, grab my coffee, and go.
now it’s like every move is calculated around her naps, her feeds, even when i try to shower. and it’s not like i regret anything, i wanted this. i love her so much. but sometimes i look in the mirror and i don’t recognize the person looking back.
not physically, not entirely, but just… the light’s different, you know? the energy. i don’t even know how to explain this to my friends or family because they’re all so supportive and like, ‘you’re doing great!’ and i am doing great, for rosa.
but for me? i just miss the spontaneity, the not having to think three steps ahead just to leave the house, the feeling like i knew who i was. does anyone else feel this? like you’re still waiting for the ‘old you’ to come back and you don’t know if she ever will?