started noticing something off around march. couldn’t keep the sprint board straight anymore, would zone out during standups for work i’d assigned, lost track of dependencies. thought it was sleep or stress so i pushed harder instead. worst decision i made.
by may the brain fog was bad enough that i was in meetings about projects i’d assigned weeks earlier and just blanked. my team lead asked if something was wrong. i lied and said no. felt easier than explaining i couldn’t think straight anymore.
took a leave end of may. still haven’t gone back. here’s what i didn’t expect: it’s not dramatic. i didn’t hit a wall where everyone could see i was broken.
it was slower than that. one thread at a time, and i kept pretending i had the others until i realized i wasn’t actually managing anything anymore. just there. neurologist still won’t say if i can do cognitive work again without crashing.
so i’m stuck. when did you actually realize your job was gone and not just paused?