genuine question, not looking for a pep talk. i scrolled back through old texts last week and realized i used to get like 3-4 invites a week. now people mostly don’t ask, because i’ve said no to almost everything for months. by friday i’m sitting at a 6 before the weekend even starts and adding anything pushes me to an 8, so i just don’t.
here’s the part i can’t figure out. i always thought the stuff that made me me was the personality, the sense of humor, whatever. but when i actually look at it, so much of who i was is just things i did. the friend who shows up.
the one who’s down for a last minute thing. i cut all of that to pace, and now i don’t know what’s left that’s still recognizable as me vs just a person who cancels. and the annoying thing is i can’t even explain it to people without it sounding like an excuse. “i’m at a 6” means nothing to someone who’s never been past a 3.
so for people further out than me: did you find a version of yourself that isn’t built on the things you had to give up? or did you just make peace with being a different person than you were before the fibro? curious how other people think about this, because “stay positive” isn’t the answer i’m looking for.