I’ve been struggling with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) for years, and it’s caused me a lot of ongoing issues. It all started about 10 years ago with racing thoughts and anxiety, followed by six days of complete insomnia. Since then, I’ve been on various medications. I take 7.5mg of zopiclone to help with sleep and, after trying many different antidepressants, I settled on mirtazapine (15–30mg). Unfortunately, my anxiety has never improved, and some nights I sleep fine while others, I don’t sleep at all. On top of that, the constant tension in my muscles from the anxiety has caused chronic neck and back pain. Over the years, I’ve seen no improvement, and in fact, it’s gotten much worse in the last couple of years.
I’ve tried countless natural remedies—meditation, exercise, GABA, melatonin, cognitive behavioral therapy—but nothing seems to make a difference. However, I did find two things that actually helped: one is Ketamine. Long-term use of Ketamine has significantly reduced my anxiety, cleared up my muscle pain, and greatly improved my sleep. The problem is that I can’t legally access Ketamine where I live in Canada since it’s only in clinical trials, and the nearest clinic is far away. I do have a source, but it’s incredibly expensive. I truly believe that with continued use, Ketamine could cure my issues, but the financial cost is becoming overwhelming.
Recently, my source also started carrying Xanax (which I’ve tested and is pure), and I decided to try it. Initially, it felt like a miracle. It was much cheaper than Ketamine, and it wiped out my anxiety, helped me sleep better than I had in years, and made me feel like a new person. I even managed to stop taking my mirtazapine and zopiclone for a while. I went two weeks without mirtazapine and six days without zopiclone. But then things took a turn for the worse. While my anxiety was gone, I stopped being able to sleep altogether. Soon after, my anxiety came back even worse than before.
I went back on my usual medications, but continued using the Xanax. I started increasing the Xanax dosage, and while it kept my anxiety under control, I couldn’t sleep. If I did manage to fall asleep, it was light and only for a couple of hours before I’d wake up again and be unable to get back to sleep, no matter how much of the three meds I took. Now, it’s been nearly a week with hardly any sleep, and my anxiety is through the roof.
Right now, I’m on 2mg of Xanax just to take the edge off, 30mg of mirtazapine, and 7.5mg of zopiclone, and none of it is helping. I honestly regret ever starting the Xanax because it’s made everything worse after just three weeks. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have no real support or help from the medical system. My doctor wants me off zopiclone, so they won’t increase the dosage, meaning if I take two pills to sleep, I’m stuck with a day where I can’t take any. They won’t prescribe any benzodiazepines, and all they suggest are more antidepressants, but I’ve tried them all, and they don’t help.
What’s frustrating is that no one seems to listen when I tell them that I’m not depressed—I’ve never been depressed. They keep insisting that my anxiety is a symptom of depression, but I don’t believe that’s the case. My anxiety feels like the root cause, not just a symptom.
I’m feeling lost and at my wit’s end. If anyone has any advice or suggestions, I’d greatly appreciate it.