it wasn’t a moment. three weeks of coming home shaking, then a week where the shaking just didn’t stop. a walk felt fine on saturday, but sunday i couldn’t leave the bed. same thing next week.
that pattern was the tell - not one bad day, but the repetition. you do something, feel okay for 24 hours, then it hits. every time. what locked it in was my doctor’s face when every test came back normal.
she didn’t know what to do with someone who couldn’t get out of bed but had perfect labs. that’s when i realized: it wasn’t going away because medicine didn’t have a name for what was wrong. the loss comes in pieces. first one activity, then two.
it took three months to stop planning like i was getting well. how long until you stopped expecting recovery?